I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
