Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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