So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
