dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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