we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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