She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
