wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
