there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
