vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
