paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
