Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
