oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
