It's like God shit irony all over that family
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
