he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
