Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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