i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
