They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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