how do flat chested girls get laid?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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