Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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