So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
