Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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