So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
