this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
