Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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