Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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