I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
