Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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