Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
