I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
