ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
