Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
