I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
