Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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