Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
