census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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