Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
