We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
