Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
