I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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