Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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