What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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