hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
