I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize