You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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