we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
