I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
