Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
