Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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