i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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