Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
