I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
