Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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