what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
