I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
